I typed this on my iPhone when I was half-asleep a few nights ago and it’s just been sitting here in my drafts but now I’m posting it because hopefully you guys find tired!me amusing maybe???!?!
“So, ok, omg.
Hamlet
I want there to be a production where okay when Hamlet first sees Horatio, he goes to kiss him
because they are boyfriends
but Horatio stops him because Marcellus and Bernardo are about to come in
Like, Hamlet’s all “Horatio!” and tries to smooch him and Horatio just sorta gently stops him like NAW DUDE and Hamlet’s all confused like “or I do forget myself” and M&B start to enter the room and Horatio’s like “the same my lord and your poor servant ever” and Hamlet catches on like “sir my good friend I’ll change that name with you” and then the scene continues as usual.
And then like before The Murder of Gonzago, Hamlet goes to kiss Horatio but then he can hear everyone approaching and jumps back like “I must be idle. Get you a place.”. So, like, SMOOCH DENIED yet again.
And this just goes on throughout the rest of the play and becomes this sort of running gag…
And then, at the end, when Hamlet’s dying, he’s like “fuck it” and goes to lay one on his bf, but he’s fuckin’ dyin’ so he’s having some difficulty ‘cause he’s lying there all poisoned so his face is not near Horatio’s and at this point the audience is like “aw hell nah, no way they aren’t gonna kiss after all that”, but then Horatio kisses him and the audience is like “hell yeah mothafuckaaas” but then Hamlet’s dead, like, two seconds later, so it’s actually really depressing.
A RUNNING GAG THAT TOOK A HEART-WRENCHING TURN FOR THE WORST. D:”
aren’t you guys glad I’ve got my laptop again
anyway, I’ll do that post I promised forever ago (October holy shit) soon, okay?
